$ Recipes Index
Starters
Main Courses
Puddings
Ingredients
$Starters
Tomato Soup
Melon
$MainCourses
Fish and Chips
Bangers and Mash
Pie and Peas
$Puddings
Spotted Dick
Trifle
$Ingredients
Chips
Currants
Custard
Fish
Glace Cherry
Mash
Melon
Peas
Pie
Sausages
Sponge cake
Tomato soup
Trifle
$Tomato Soup Recipe

Ingredients
1 can of Heinz Tomato Soup
Method
Open tin of soup and pour into a microwave safe soup bowl.
Microwave at full power for 2 1/2 minutes.
$Melon Recipe

Ingredients
1 melon slice
1 glace cherry
Method
Put cherry on melon slice.
$Fish and Chips Recipe

Ingredients
£1. 85
Method
Take ingredients to local Fish and Chip shop and say 'Fish and Chips please'.
Accept parcel in exchange for ingredients, take parcel home and empty onto a warm plate.
$Bangers and Mash Recipe

Ingredients
1 bag microwave sausages
1 bag of 'Smash'
Method
Place sausages on microwave safe dish, cover and microwave according to instructions on packet.
Place contents of packet of 'Smash' in a jug and add boiling water as instructed on the packet. Stir until smooth.
$Pie and Peas Recipe

Ingredients
1 pie
1 tin mushy peas
Method
Open tin of mushy peas and pour into a microwave safe dish.
Microwave at full power for 2 1/2 minutes.
Place pie on a plate and microwave for 4 minutes.
$Spotted Dick Recipe

Ingredients
1 tinned sponge pudding
1 handful of currants
1 tin of Custard
Method
Steam pudding according to instructions on tin.
Open tin of custard and pour into a microwave safe dish.
Microwave at full power for 1 1/2 minutes.
Put sponge on a plate and stick raisins into it in a random yet aesthetically pleasing manner.
Pour custard on sponge.
$Trifle Recipe

Ingredients
1 ready made trifle
Method
Take lid off trifle.
Glace Cherry
A sticky red thing found on cakes and meringues etc
Chips
Highly satisfying food, found on sale in many guises. Sometimes referred to a 'Fries' or even 'French Fries'.
Custard
Essential ingredient for any succesful dinner party. Yellow substance served hot and runny on sponge pudding, but cold and set when used on cold puddings.
Fish
White flaky substance, invariably in a yellow to brown crisp fatty coating. Not to be confused with the living creature found swimming in the sea.
Mash
White powdery substance (but perfectly legal) served with all manner of main courses. At one time thought to be made from potatoes.
Melon
Water suspended in a fleshy tasteless material, found shrink-wrapped on supermarket cold counters.
Peas
Green mush, resembling the glop in Ghostbusters.
Pie
Legendary article, believed to originate from the Netherlands.
Currants
Black shrivelled objects, resembling dead flies. Used in catering to disguise the fact that there are dead flies.
Sausages
The inedible parts of a pig, mashed up with bread and stuffed in a plastic tube.
Sponge cake
Something grandma used to make.
Tomato soup
Red creamy liquid tasting nothing like tomatoes.
Trifle
Concoction of jelly, trifle, stale biscuits and mock cream, which looks wonderful but tastes of cardboard.